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Anonymity vs Relationship with your Egg Donor/ Recipient

South Africa is well known for the anonymous egg donation cycles, but let's use this opportunity to describe this process in a bit more detail and really understand what that means.

For egg donors, it means the ability to register with ease and no pressure of having their identifying details compromised.  It means that they can commit to the process and know that their full responsibiily ends on the day of egg retrieval.  Although giving a lifelong gift, they are not making a lifelong committment.  It means that this process does not impact on their own children and family structures.  Donors do not need to feel as young woman that contributing to something so magnificent can influence their lives in a bizarre way in the future. 

Recipients sometimes struggle only seeing childhood pictures as they are trying to identify with the donors to find a little piece of themselves.  This strict criteria is never compromised and all efforts are made to explain features to recipients.  The agent plays a role of comparing the adult pictures of donor and recipient privately and can then help to advise that a similar face shape, bone structure and shape may be evident or use these picture matches to indicate comparisons and where different traits are evident.  Recipients also value this as a consistent anonymity aspect assures them that complete professionalism is in place and no deviations may be evident.  It is also welcoming to not actually see the egg donor's face as an adult as it reenforces this nameless and faceless person as their angel, but knowing that they understand her traits and features.

There is also no need for a recipient and egg donor to have a relationship.  That is not the nature of egg donation.  The important thing is to contribute to one another's lives.  Otherwise infertile persons have the opportunity become pregnant, carry this child in their womb and start the most special relationship of parenthood right at the very beginning of life.  I have read so many accounts and letters from recipients who say they pray for their donors every day because they have contributed to them in this most fundamental way.  In most cases, new parents elect to keep the egg donation private from their children conceived in this special way.  They may feel that they do not want to impose any further questions for their children and keep this special secret about this amazing person who contributed to selflessly and so besutifully.  


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