I wonder if you think about me, as much as I think about you.. I am sure that is a mood question. I am sure you think about me all the time. Lately, a few people have told me how special the gift is that I am giving you, but nobody has mentioned the gift YOU are giving ME. So I want you to thank you so tell you that this gift you have given me, is absolutely priceless. I don’t think you understand it. Nor can I ever properly explain it, but I sure as hell would like to try. If you ever do get a chance to read this, I would like to give you the slightest insight into what this process has been for me.
I am sure you know I am a mom. I think that may have been part of the reason you chose me as your donor. I will never know what factor it was that made your heart decide that I was the one, but I like to think that one of them was because I am a mom. Being a mom is the greatest treasure life has to offer. However, I decided after my 2nd little tot, that I was very much done with having babies. I had applied to be a donor before, but was rejected then, due to my weight. What a silent blessing that was – maybe you wouldn’t have been the recipient of my eggs. Either way, I know now that I was not emotionally ready to understand exactly what this journey entails. I did not take cognisance of the magnitude of this, until I started my first hormone injection. I then realised that I was commencing the process that, God willing, will culminate in you having a baby. I am hoping and praying every single day that this journey yields you the greatest success.
Starting this process, started a process of healing in me. To be able to do something that is completely selfless like this (as I am coming to realise), may be the most selfish thing I have done. As this short process, has allowed me to discover a part of me I did not know existed. I have completely embraced myself in this process. When I went for the follow up scan, we could not immediately see the eggs, and I went numb. I was so afraid this process would come to a screeching halt, and my journey of discovery would end. But it did not. We found them, and I am almost finished the injections, and the extraction is looming ahead. I don’t say it with any amount of dread, but use the word looming, as the extraction is at the forethought of my mind constantly. You are at the forethought of my mind, constantly. A part of me is sad, but I feel like this is the dawning of a new day. I don’t know what will happen with you, but I wish you the light, love, and new beginning I experienced. But I wish it to you tenfold, a hundred fold. I wish you new light, new love, in a new beginning as a mom (again). I know God has this journey of ours firmly mapped out, so I know that what is meant to be, will be, and I pray for success. Your utmost success.
Thank you for letting me do this for you. Thank you for allowing me this new day, new beginning. For finding a part of me I did not know was missing. A part of me will always be with you, and a part of you will always be with me.
God Speed, you incredible woman.
Receive the gift to give!